Trauma – this word has been circulating more than usual in the past few years. But what exactly is trauma? And how can you actually heal and integrate it?
What is Trauma?
Trauma is stress without resolve. In other words, trauma is not defined only by extreme or catastrophic events; it is defined by experiences that were too overwhelming for a person to fully process at the time they occurred. When the nervous system cannot complete the natural cycle of integrating an experience, it echoes on in the mind and body. Seen through this lens, it becomes clear that every adult has experienced some form of trauma, whether they recognize it or not.
Why Should I Heal and Integrate My Traumas?
What still creates friction, is the notion that unresolved childhood wounds carry into adulthood. You might claim that your childhood is in the past and therefore is no longer relevant. Right?
I couldn’t disagree more! My experience in working with people and observing them, has tought me that EVERYONE has experienced some trauma in their childhood that still majorly affects them today. Even if they are not aware of it.
How is this possible? When we think of trauma, we usually associate it with violence, abuse, accidents, death of loved ones and the like. If this is what we experienced, society acknowledges that we’re traumatized. But what is often overlooked is the impact of emotional trauma. And often this causes the biggest wounds. For instance, many abuse victims say, it’s not the physical injury that hurt them most, but the emotional damage that was done.
I’ll give you a few examples of childhood trauma and how it might still affect somebody in adulthood:
a) Emotional Neglect– leaving a child to calm down in their room all by themselves, because the parents didn’t want to deal with the „uncomfortable“ emotion. This is problematic because a child below the age of 7 cannot regulate their own emotions. The nervous system is still in the process of developing. It teaches a child that they are all alone in their pain – and they will carry that into their adulthood. Adults with this childhood scenario might only allow themselves to feel when they’re alone. This is a common experience found in adults with depression.
b) Parents that were too strict – A mother who wants to drill her daughter into being a successful woman by enforcing strict rules upon her. She never fulfilles her daughter’s deepest wishes and places a lot of rules and regulations onto her. This child learns, that she can never get what she truly wants in life. She will carry this imprint into her adulthood. She will ultimately feel unmotivated to achieve anything because, what is the point of living, if you never get what truly makes happy?
c) The overly critical parents – The parents want to create the perfect child, so they criticize their child a lot in order to make them even better. This child learns that no matter how they perform, it will never be enough. They will carry this well into adulthood by people pleasing, in the secret hope that one day what they do will be good enough. Or they might start critisizing themselves and others to the point of harm.
I could keep going, but you get the point. Our childhood marks our first imprinting experiences. And experiences that seem normal, can leave a significant impact on a person.
3 Trauma Integration Practices that REALLY work
1.Trauma Regression
One of the best ways to integrate your trauma, is to work with it when you are directly triggered. Instead of soothing and coping, you can use this time to do a Trauma Integration Process that helps you to go directly into the pain, uncover the origin and then solve it. One such modality is called The Completion Process – you can buy the book and try it for yourself, or work with a Completion Process Practitioner. I’ve tried this one several times with much success. Another possibility is Shamanic Journeying – you can find a Shaman who is specialized in Trauma Retrieval.
To start off yourself, you can start continuously breathing when you feel triggered and observe how this feels in your body (tightness in the chest, hole in stomach, excruciating headache as if somebody put a knife there etc.) And then tell that feeling „You are allowed to be here now“. Just observe the feeling for about 15-20 Minutes, see how it changes and keep repeating the mantra „You are allowed to be here now“ and „you are allowed to get stronger now“. Going into your pain and asking it to grow stronger, might sound counter-intuitive. But you’ll soon find that if you gift loving presence to your deepest woundings, it will put you at peace like you’ll never felt before.
2) Parts Work
Another really great modality is called Parts Work. Is is based on the principle, that in a traumatic event our psyche fragments to cope. This can often be experienced through inner conflict, feeling torn. Or through self-sabotage, because one part doesn’t agree a certain action is in their best interest.
Parts Work has the power of integrating two opposing parts. You can find a coach or therapist who offers Parts Work. Or you can simply do it at home with two chairs as long as you give each part open curiosity and love, without negative judgement. Often people discover that the part they initially experienced as problematic actually developed as a protective strategy, often earlier in life. Simply listening to it with curiosity and respect can soften its intensity and open the possibility for a new relationship with that part of themselves.
The result is that inner conflicts and self-sabotage start to disappear. This way you can TRULY move forward in life without the trauma baggage holding you back.
3) Somatic & Emotional Experiencing
The last detailed process is about somatically experiencing your trauma. This is the practice of feeling painful thoughts and feelings in your body. Rather than trying to analyze or suppress an emotion, the goal is to slow down and become curious about how it actually feels in the moment.
A helpful entry point is to give the feeling form. When you notice an emotion arising you can pause and ask yourself: If this feeling had a color, what color would it be? If it had a texture, what would it feel like? Is it dense or light? Warm or cold? Smooth or heavy? Some people also imagine its size or shape: a small knot in the chest or a dark cloud around the head.
Instead of being completely identified with the feeling, you can now begin observing it with curiosity. You can begin a gentle inner dialogue with it and ask questions such as:
- What are you trying to show me?
- When did you first appear?
- What do you need from me right now?
- What are you afraid would happen if you weren’t here?
The answers that arise are often not verbal in the traditional sense. They may come as images, memories, body sensations, or simple intuitive knowing.
Modalities that further expand on this are, for example, Somatic Experiencing and TRE, short for Traumatic Release Exercises.
Whatever you are going through, your feelings are valid. I know myself what it feels like to walk this path. So if you ever need someone to chat, or want to get help by me through a coaching, just contact me. I would LOVE to write with you! <3
