Frauke’s Diary #6: An Apple Tree for Samhain

On October 31^st many people in the Western World celebrate Halloween. Traditionally, the holiday was called Samhain and was a celebration of the harvest in European pagan cultures. Pagan cultures were much more connected to nature, so all their festivities circled around the changes of seasons and sunshine hours, marked down in a so-called Wheel of Time:

As you can see in the image, Samhain celebrated the end of the harvest season. Late fruits like potatoes or apples were collected, before most of the gardens were prepared for the colder season. Naturally, being more connected to nature, they were also more connected to the non-physical realm, viewing it through a less confined lense. They knew the veil was especially thin, so thanking certain deities or spirits for the harvest was a common practice. Christianization with its monotheistic world view however, demonized these practices. The solution was to alter the already existing holidays of certain regions by giving them a Christian narrative. Many holidays, like Easter or Christmas, are in fact simply pagan holidays with a Christian overlay. The concept of Halloween is no different. It got merged with the Catholic All Soul’s Day where people prayed for deceased ones who were assumed to be in purgatory in order to clean them from their sins. So, what most people don’t know is, it was actually the Christian Church who made this festival into a „dark“ one.

My Samhain looked a little bit different. I planted an apple tree. This was not planned, but looking back it fits the theme more than well. I also got my garden winter-ready and expressed some gratitude for the beautiful fruits and vegetables I have gathered throughout this season.

The night turned out to be a little more „difficult“: I had the emotional flavor of frustration crop up. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down all the reasons why I felt upset. Slowly the writing turned from anger into sadness and pain, then into understanding for myself. I was upset about the second lockdown and all the emotional connection that breaks away because of it, particularly I was angry at people for abandoning me. I discovered the underlying root was that I always felt like connection was unsafe; like it could break away any minute because the other person doesn’t value connection as much as I do. After some digging I discovered it dated back to a memory, when I was laying in hospital after birth. I wanted connection but there was only a nurse picking me up. I knew the desire for connection wasn’t mutual and that it would be gone soon. After offering relief, I thought to myself: How strange, that moments as small as these can cause such a reflection in adulthood. I can understand now why hospitals are not the best place to experience childbirth – the harsh lights, the hectic, being separated from the mother shortly after birth to get the vitals checked. I hope in the future, birth stations will understand this impact and accomodate accordingly.

So, this day offered me deep emotional insight. As we move into these crazy times, the cycles of nature give me a sense of stability and groundedness. I hope you enjoyed your Samhain, Halloween, or whatever you did that day. And now, a happy November to you!